


To the end

by Madokabluet



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, Super Dangan Ronpa 2
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Confessions, Heavy Angst, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, One Shot, Self-Hatred, Suicidal Thoughts, hajime to the rescue
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-19
Updated: 2020-05-19
Packaged: 2021-03-02 20:20:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,708
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24262726
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Madokabluet/pseuds/Madokabluet
Summary: Komaeda can't help but feel this way, after all, who would care about trash like him? ( aka his feelings catch up to him and he starts to listen to his inner thoughts )
Relationships: Hinata Hajime/Komaeda Nagito
Comments: 3
Kudos: 190





	To the end

**Author's Note:**

> TW!! suicidal thoughts, ty for reading^^

He knew what this was going to feel like. He had fantasized about it for years. The way the blood would leave his body as he faded out of consciousness. What he wasn't prepared for was the wave of emotion he felt beforehand. The self doubt.

But who would miss trash like him?

He first felt it when Hajime had fed him after he was left tied up. That feeling of admiration? Dependency? The closer they grew the more his feelings did. He couldn't help but fall for him, after all they'd been through. The long nights of being in each others presence, words unspoken but comfort lingering. The days they'd spent wasting time at the beach or collecting different rocks. The times they shared with only themselves, no one else to bother. They had each other's back. Thinking back to a time where they had peaceful moments is pure bliss. No one had treated him this way before, made him feel worth something. Even when he was younger, and his family had looked after him, they hadnt truly wanted him around. So why did Hajime, of all the good people on this earth, why was he the one to pull Komaeda out of the earth? It felt like a never ending cycle of feeling wanted, only to be thrown back for a loop when he saw the way hajime grew close with others. Did he have a right to be jealous? They only shared moments of intimacy alone, and their unspoken relationship was kept a secret from the others. He understood, no one would want to admit to being close with such a waste of space such as himself. 

So, he did what he needed to do. He visited the pharmacy, alone. It was near midnight, and most of the others had gone to their own cabins by now. The only one's who would be awake were himself and Chisaki, or Mikan. Neither of them cared much about Komaeda's night walks, and they left him alone. Usually after he'd walk Hajime home. But tonight he skipped out on it. It didnt feel right to impose himself on his beloved before ending it. No second thoughts. He'd wanted this since he could remember. 

At the pharmacy, he found what he needed. The more lethal medications were kept in a locked container, courtesy of Mikan, but he'd found a way to break the lock without making too much noise. He grabbed what he needed, and before he left he looked straight into the camera watching, a silent truce to whoever was watching. He headed to the cove, a place where he and Hajime had visited often. It was a special place for him, the first time anyone had expressed care for him was when Hajime told him he was glad to have Komaeda as a friend. This is where he had helped Komaeda bandage his wounds, and where the two had gone to take naps in their free time. It was his safe space. 

He sat down in the sand and fiddled with the bottle, taking note of its heaviness. The rattle of the pills inside only reminded him of his childhood, and the way his parents would push pill after pill into his mouth nightly. He gave a quiet laugh, as tears began to pool in his eyes. Why did he feel this way? Why couldnt he be better? He was so selfish, wrapping others up in his pathetic low life. He felt tears streaming down his face at the thought of Hajime finding his body, wet from the incoming tide. The way he would leave him, uncaring that he had done this to himself, because who would care? He was just another mouth to feed, another case to look after. He shakily opened the bottle of pills and counted out four of them, thats all it would take for his blood to run dry.

".... Nagito?"

He couldnt move. His breath caught in his lungs at the sound of Hajime's voice. He sounded confused, probably wondering why he was awake and sitting in their secret spot in the middle of the night. He didnt turn to look, and instead quickly wiped the tears from his face and shoved the pills into the sand below his legs.

"Oh, Hajime! i didn't know you'd be awake at this time, eheh.." He faked a cheery voice and smiled up at Hajime, who was standing in his pajama shorts and a white shirt. He looked Komaeda up and down before speaking again.

"What are you doing? Its really late, and you're alone? Why aren't you back at the cabins?" he asked, walking closer. He didn't notice the way Komaeda tensed up, ashamed that he had been discovered in this state. He looked towards the water and laughed to himself.

"I couldnt sleep, so I came here to relax and settle my bones a little. Is that wrong of me?" His voice was quiet, and uncharacteristically mono toned. Hajime huffed as he sat down near Komaeda, and that's when he saw that his shirt was wet with tears, and his eyes were puffy from crying.

"Why were you crying? You could've come to my cabin, I wasnt able to sleep either.."

Komaeda gave a short laugh at this. He would never dare force himself on Hajime like that, invade his personal space. That would be asking too much from someone who provides him with more than enough as is. He couldnt help but think about what would happen if he did. Would they fall asleep together? Would he feel Hajime's chest rise and fall as he gave into his drowsiness? He cherished the though of being that close with him, like they did when they took their afternoon walks. He craved Hajime's touch, he wanted to feel the way Hajime's breath would fall on his neck as they cuddled closer together, basking in the embrace. 

"It's nothing big, just silly things. You shouldnt worry so much about trash like me, you know."

Hajime wanted to correct him, and tell him he was wrong, he always was when he got like this, but he couldnt take his eyes off the half buried pill bottle beneath Komeada's thigh. He saw the crimson label, indicating it was one of the medications used for serious surgeries only, the ones that mikan had locked up on their second day here. Without thinking, he had reached and grabbed it quickly, noticing the lid wasnt on all the way. Before Komaeda could reach for it he pushed himself away and locked eyes with him. He tightened his grip on the bottle and stood, leaving Komaeda motionless on the ground.

"Why do you have these, Komaeda?" 

It hurt that Hajime wasn't using his first name, he knew he fucked up. He should've been more discreet, more careful and aware of his surroundings. If he hadnt been so fucking lost in his own self pity, he wouldve heard Hajime approaching and he would've had time to hide it better and convince him to leave. He felt his tears coming back as he crawled to Hajimes feet and kneeled in front of him. He couldnt stop the sobs escaping from his body, leaving him a shaking mess in front of the only person he loved. The only person who had ever loved him.

"Im- Im so sorry, im so so sorry. Please dont hate me Hajime. Im so sorry-" 

The only things that left his mouth were incoherent words of self hate and apologies. Hajime didnt know what to do, nor what to think. How long had he felt like this? how long had he suffered without confiding in anyone? He wanted to punch himself for not recognizing it sooner. He kneeled in front of nagito, who had his head on the sand.

"Nagito, stop. Look at me" 

Nagito didnt move, continuing to babble the same things. Hajime gave a huff and hesitantly rested his hand on Komaeda's back. He gently brushed off the sand and continued rubbing his back until he quieted down. 

"... you dont deserve this, you know. I know you dont think you're worthy of anyones time, but trust me, you are. I couldnt survive here without you, Nagito. I love you more than you could ever know. I'm sorry for not being there for you, if I had known this is how you felt i would've told you this such a long time ago. I was scared you'd push me away, but i understand why.."

Komaeda lifted his head slowly, but he didnt meet Hajime's gaze. 

"you must really hate me now, huh Hajime?" He felt Hajime's calloused hands grip his face, making them make eye contact.

"I could never hate you, Nagito." was all he said before he pulled Komaeda into a tight embrace, and he let the tears that were building up in his eyes fall. "I wont let you down again Nagito. Never."

He felt Komaeda finally return the hug, and they spent the moment in silence, just embracing each other. He lost track of how long they had been sitting unmoving. At some point Komaeda had whispered his apologies again, and that was when he pulled away from the hug. Komaeda looked absolutely wrecked, his eyes were red and puffy still, and only then did he notice just how bad the bags under his eyes were getting. He reached out and wiped the last tear from Komaeda's eye before giving him a tender kiss of the forehead. He stood up and reached a hand out to help Komaeda up as well.

"Walk with me back to my cabin? I dont want to be alone tonight, and I dont think you should be either."

Komaeda felt heavy, like his bones became cement in his body. But he couldn't say no to Hajime. He grabbed onto his hand and didnt let go as they walked back to the cabins. They were both tired, physically and mentally. And so they left, pills forgotten and washed away by the tide. The only reminder of that night being their now outspoken relationship moving forward. Maybe things would be okay, as long as he and Hajime could stay like this forever.


End file.
